'Uncertainties'

i) Am I really so hard to be understand? ii) Am I really a male chauvinist? iii) Am I really dictatory? This few questions remain unknown in my mind. Of course, for me, I persuade myself with positive answers for above questions, however, in actuality, how far it goes true?

i) I know my mood sometimes fluctuates, I know my words sometimes are too direct, but I know what im saying as well. Jokes in my eyes don’t mean the same in others. They might treat it as critics to them. A friend of mine told me that, no matter whatever jokes we spoke, there must be at 50% fact inside. However, what if I really don’t mean it in anyway? Along the way I study management, the process of doing my dissertation, im studying about behaviors. For management, it is more about organizational behavior, and in my dissertation, I study consumer behavior. Every people has their own perception over something, it can me predominate, or it can be changed along the process of growth. What we saw, what we learn, what we listen indirectly forming the way we think, we act, and we speak. There is no universal theory for all behaviours, but I do understand why there are some who act such a way. In the other hand, how deep others can understand my act, my words, my expression? Till now, it seems dropping to zero…………………….

ii) This issue often being discussed among my housemate (the three girls). In their eyes, they rate me as a little bit more to male chauvinist where the opposite I suppose. When I act firmly, insisting on my own opinion, I already categorized as a chauvinist to them. Hence, sometimes it is difficult to get a balance point in such a case. A chauvinist will be good or bad? How much level should a guy should possess? Attitude is hard to be studied, as long as what we did never cause discomfort to others, it considered fair enough. Right? Im still looking for someone who can shed a light on me in future……..

iii) Every case, there must be someone to make the first move, and planning. There should be an organizer for everything. Your family is organized by your parents, your studies are organized by schools or uni, your life is organized by yourself. Nothing will drop to you, if there is no effort being put in. as the saying goes: “there is no free lunch.” To me, I cannot bear to have the last minute decision making as it seems to be in rushing, hence the outcome wont be satisfying. Why people love to have the last minute style where they have plenty of time to make it in a better way? Because it is not of your concern? Because it is not of your benefits? What’s the reason? When I be the first mover, it seems like im controlling everything. In fact, im not a fake democratic, I would prefer to have ideas or suggestions from others. The point is the moment I asked, there often goes no replies. It is quite troubling for one who thinks of where others exploit it. We need interaction, we need communication. I’d like a good planning, rather than ‘surprise’. You might get it well for instance, and that is your luck, what if for a bigger deal? Are you going to practice it in your working as well? Haihz……………………